Photo: Getty

Tomorrow is Election Day in Alabama. The people of the state will either elect a man who is credibly accused of touching a 14-year-old while in his 30s, or another guy, who is not. It is expected to be very close. Great day! Love being alive.

Since the allegations against Roy Moore broke, many Republicans have stood by him, including Donald Trump (haha, yep, being alive, gotta love it), though others have denounced him to varying extents. The senior senator from Alabama, Richard Shelby was, to his credit, forthright: He said the state “deserves better,” and that he “wouldn’t vote for Roy Moore.”

Today, as our nation’s political and media class continues to inexplicably turns to old-school George W. Bush-era Republicans for their thoughts on the toxic political environment they helped create, we were treated to a statement on the Alabama Senate election by Condoleezza Rice. In the statement, reported by AL.com, Rice denounces... someone:

“This week’s special election will be one of the most significant in Alabama’s history. As a native daughter, I remain - at heart - an Alabaman who loves our state and its devotion to faith, family, and country,” Rice stated.

The statement continued:

“I encourage you to take a stand for our core principles and for what is right. These critical times require us to come together to reject bigotry, sexism, and intolerance.

“It is imperative for Americans to remain focused on our priorities and not give way to side shows and antics. I know that Alabamans need an independent voice in Washington. But we must also insist that our representatives are dignified, decent, and respectful of the values we hold dear.

“Please exercise your right to vote - a privilege won by the sacrifices of our ancestors. Sustain the central ideals and values that make our country a beacon for freedom and justice for the sake of Alabama and for the good of the United States of America.”

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Definitely! Exercise your right to vote for [TEXT NOT FOUND]. That’s what democracy is all about.

It is safe to infer that Rice is urging Alabamians to reject Roy Moore, seeing as “bigotry, sexism, and intolerance” are kind of his whole campaign. But would it have killed her to say, I dunno, “vote for Doug Jones”? Or even “don’t vote for Roy Moore”? What is the point of issuing a statement clearly meant to be read as opposing Moore without saying his name or the name of his opponent?

The other possible explanation is that she’s been inhabited by Kang and Kodos, and that AL.com left off the bit about her twirling toward freedom.

Splinter has reached out to Rice’s employers at Stanford for clarity on which candidate she wants to win tomorrow, and will update if we hear back.