Cyclist's secret forest poop causes 73-acre Idaho wildfire

There are times when “burn the evidence” is not the best approach. Like right after taking a dump in the foothills of Boise, Idaho, in July during a drought.

Bureau of Land Management officials say that’s how a 73-acre Idaho wildfire started Wednesday. A cyclist passing through the area defecated in a ravine, and then burned and buried the toilet paper he happened to bring with him in case he needed to crap off the edge of a cliff.

The unidentified pooper turned himself in and was issued a citation while police decide whether or not to charge him. “I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go,” BLM spokesperson Carrie Bilbao said to local TV station KTVB..

In addition to the soundbite she was born to give, Bilbao also said a lot of nature lovers think they’re doing the right thing by burning their leavings, removing evidence that they were ever there.

So the important lesson to remember here: If you need to poop in the woods, don’t burn it. Someone call Smokey the Bear, I’ve got a new slogan for him.