Screenshot: Fox News

This morning, Donald Trump Jr., Biff from Back to the Future, appeared on Fox & Friends in what I can only imagine is a sad attempt to get his father’s attention on President Trump’s birthday. Donj did this by embracing the criticism that the GOP has become a cult, appearing to position the president as the cult leader we all know him to be, and then by addressing his father directly in what could only be described as the most pathetic birthday message of all time.

The dodos of Fox & Friends asked Donj about recent comments from Senator Bob Corker, who said of the GOP:

“We are in a strange place. It’s almost, it’s becoming a cultish thing, isn’t it? It’s not a good place for any party to end up with a cultlike situation as it relates to a president that happens to be of, purportedly, of the same party.”

For most well-adjusted and autonomous people, cults are not a good thing. Part of this is because they’re based on a hierarchical structure that insists people dehumanize themselves in service of a charismatic narcissist, often with pretty dangerous ideals. But for Don Jr., cults are apparently fine as long as his dad’s in charge! He told Fox & Friends: “If it’s a cult, it’s because they like what my father is doing.”

That’s a fun way to excuse the uptick in outwardly and aggressively white supremacist, homophobic, transphobic, and sexist policies that Trump has allowed the GOP to champion! With that logic, you could say that if the Manson Family, the Branch Davidians, and The People’s Temple/Jonestown are cults it’s because their followers and later victims liked what murderous monsters Charles Manson, David Koresh, and Jim Jones (respectively) were doing. But that would be a very dumb and crazy thing to say.

Donj went on to discuss how the cult thing is chill because conservatives are “actually getting things done.” Cool! 

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Later on in the segment, things took an even darker turn, when Donj turned directly to the screen and wished his father a happy birthday and told him he loved him very much.

“We look forward to seeing you soon,” Donald Trump Jr. said to his namesake. He then turned to his (Fox &) friends to say, “Because I don’t get to see him that much anymore, that’s the only problem,” perhaps giving us a glimpse into the saddest little boy at the circus.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when”

But we’ll get together then

You know we’ll have a good time then...