As we all know, Donald Trump was named Person of the Year by TIME magazine on Wednesday. Whatever, blah blah blah, let's move on. Except you know who can't move on? That's right: Donald Trump!
For two days straight, he has been talking about one thing: How he should have been named "Man of the Year" instead of "Person of the Year."
You see, until 1999, TIME would call whoever got its year-end publicity stunt/sacred honor the "man" or, in extremely rare cases, "woman" of the year. Then the magazine changed it to "Person of the Year." Fine! There has been literally nobody complaining about this or letting it weigh on their minds except Donald Trump in 2016. Donald Trump really, really wants to be called the "Man of the Year" and not the "Person of the Year," and now he's even asking the people at his rallies to weigh in on this issue with their applause.
Donald Trump will not let anyone forget that "Person of the Year" is a sobriquet that is beneath him. He wants to return to a world where men were men, women were women, and years were crudely gendered like the Bible intended. Just read this wild, if somewhat shakily typed, CNN transcript if you don't believe me.
Your next president, everyone!