That feel when you’re thinking about the sons.
Screenshot: Daily Mail

It takes 10 years to scroll through the first part of the Daily Mail’s newly published interview with Donald Trump Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle for what’s really only 10 seconds of content: In the age of #MeToo and the allegations against Brett Kavanaugh, the couple are really most worried about the sons of America.

“I’ve got boys, and I’ve got girls. And when I see what’s going on right now, it’s scary,” Trump the younger said in the interview. When the tabloid’s David Martosko—whom Politico has dubbed the president’s “journalistic soulmate”—pressed him on whether he’s most worried for his sons or daughters in this current moment, Donj replied: “Right now, I’d say my sons.”

In what’s being trumpeted as his FIRST-EVER JOINT ON CAMERA interview with Guilfoyle, his new girlfriend, Trump continued: “For the people who are real victims of these things, when it is so obviously political in cases like this, it really diminishes the real claims.”

Cool!! This tact—parents wringing hands about the implications of it all—is deeply old: if our sons could be called out for assaulting women at any time, what will become of them! What a world we live in, where our sons have to live in fear of their actions carrying consequences!

Guilfoyle’s contribution to the interview was just as illuminating:

‘I think it’s important, in terms of doing an investigation, to get the facts out there and find out,’ Guilfoyle said.

‘It’s very tough thirty five years later, but it doesn’t mean it should be ignored.’

But reflecting on the battle of memory and credibility between Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and college professor Christine Blasey Ford, she warned that in Washington few things are what they seem.

‘People need to be careful to understand the politics involved as well, and what motivations people may have,’ Guilfoyle said.

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Or, in short: investigations are fine in theory, but don’t forget Christine Blasey Ford, Deborah Ramirez, and Julie Swetnick are liars, wrapped up in the “politics” of tanking the president’s Supreme Court nominee.

Probably the only interesting part of the coordinated response—Don Jr. and Guilfoyle did the interview while campaigning for Trump-aligned Senate candidate Matt Rosendale in Montana—is this tidbit, about why, in the slideshow of glossy portraits of the couple, there are no shots of the former Fox News host firing big-ass guns:

Guilfoyle didn’t take her turn with a sniper rifle before the DailyMail TV interview because she had hurt her hand playing trampoline dodgeball with her son and Trump Jr.’s children.

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I, for one, am very worried for the sons in this situation! Trampolines can be quite dangerous.