On the campaign trail, Donald Trump likes to assure his crowds that he only hires "the best people."
Here are some of "the best people" that Trump and his campaign are relying on:
- His first campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, had battery charges filed against him after he grabbed a female reporter and bruised her arm.
- His next campaign manager, Paul Manafort, was accused of taking $12 million from a corrupt Ukrainian politician with ties to Vladimir Putin and helping to stoke anti-American protests that targeted U.S. Marines.
- His new campaign manager, Steve Bannon, was charged with domestic violence by his then-wife; has been cited for fraudulently registering to vote in Florida; and threatened to kick a woman's ass while managing an environmental science project called Biosphere 2. (Also, he runs Breitbart.com.)
- One of his chief campaign advisers, Roger Ailes, resigned from Fox News after at least 20 female employees accused him of sexual harassment
- Another campaign adviser, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, is one of the least popular governors in the entire country.
- Another campaign advisor, Sam Brownback, is THE least popular governor in the country.
- His latest hire, as of Friday, was Bill Stepien, a former aide to Chris Christie who was fired for his role in the Bridgegate scandal that helped torpedo Christie's governorship.
- His personal doctor, Dr. Harold Bornstein, inflated his credentials and lied about membership in an organization for gastroenterologists, in a medical letter that bragged Trump would be "the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency."
- His longtime butler, Anthony Senecal, wrote that Barack Obama was a "prick" who "needed to be hung for treason" and referred to Michelle Obama as "Sasquatch."
- His military advisor, Al Baldassaro, called for Hillary Clinton to be shot by a firing squad for treason.
- His foreign policy advisor Walid Phares previously trained a Lebanese militia that carried out the murders of hundreds of civilians.
- Another foreign policy advisor, Joseph Schmitz, was accused of anti-Semitism in a lawsuit after allegedly bragging that he "fired the Jews" while working at the Department of Defense.
- His chief spokesperson, Katrina Pierson, has accused Barack Obama of starting the war in Afghanistan and accused Planned Parenthood of "chopping up baby body parts so they can go out and buy new Lamborghinis."
- His campaign office in Jefferson County, outside of Denver, is being run by a 12-year-old boy.
- The private equity firm run by his economic advisor Wilbur Ross was just fined $2.3 million by the SEC for failing to properly disclose fees to investors.
- His former campaign director in North Carolina, Earl Phillip, was sued after allegedly pulling a gun on one of his employees.
- A California delegate selected by the Trump campaign, William Daniel Johnson, was forced to resign after it turned out he was a prominent white nationalist who has called for U.S. citizen only for those with "no ascertainable trace of Negro blood."
Ladies and gentlemen: These are the best people in the United States!