Dorian Will Not Hit Alabama and Trump Is Full of Shit, Meteorologists Say

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Donald Trump’s handlers said he had skipped a trip to Poland this weekend to better track and respond to Hurricane Dorian. So far, he’s doing quite the job—of playing golf and messing up forecasts.


On Sunday, Trump, who went golfing at one of his clubs the previous day instead of working at Camp David, appeared to brag about the size of the hurricane, which recently was upgraded to a category 5 storm. He also warned that it would impact multiple states, including Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, and Alabama. “Looking like one of the largest hurricanes ever,” he bragged on Twitter, emphasis mine.

Trump was right about Dorian, which currently is over the Bahamas, being a big and dangerous storm, as it has wind speeds registering in excess of 185 mph. However, meteorologists were quick to point out that Alabama is not in Dorian’s path, despite what the president said.

There’s nothing quite like telling people the biggest hurricane in the history of humankind is headed your way when that’s not the case.

“Alabama will NOT see any impacts from #Dorian. We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane #Dorian will be felt across Alabama. The system will remain too far east,” the National Weather Service in Birmingham, AL, tweeted immediately after Trump’s tweet.



According to the latest track by the National Hurricane Center, Dorian will move north, parallel to Florida’s Atlantic coast and up along the coast of the Carolinas, where it will slowly hover for about a week. As pointed out to its readers, that is definitely not the Gulf of Mexico, which seems to be confusing Trump.


That really shouldn’t surprise anyone, though, considering that the president seems to be getting his “up-to-date” hurricane information like this:


Trump also said in a meeting with officials from FEMA that he had never heard of a category 5 storm, a claim he’s been making for at least two years.


For example, the headline of this Tampa Bay Times story from September 2017 is: “Trump on Irma: ‘I never even knew a Category 5 existed.’” Yes, he actually said that. In 2017.

According to CNN’s Nikki Carvajal and Manu Raju, “Dorian is the fourth category 5 hurricane to threaten the United States since Trump has taken office.”


God, Trump is dumb. But we already knew that. Just ignore him and stay safe if you’re actually in Dorian’s path.

Weekend Editor, Splinter