Drunk New Jersey woman tries to outsmart police (she does not)

Let’s say I hypothetically robbed, like, 27 banks. Would I talk about it publicly? No. And if I did, I’d make sure to preface the admission with the word “hypothetically” so that no one would suspect a thing.

“The perfect crime,” I’d think to myself as I trimmed my split ends in the bathroom mirror. Perhaps Enya’s “Even in the Shadows” would be playing softly in the other room.

Hypothetically!

Hypothetically.

The point is that I don’t understand how Hayley Oates expected to brag about outsmarting the police on social media and still get away with her alleged crime.

NJ.com reports that the 25-year-old Parsippany resident allegedly filed a false police report about an assault at a North Jersey bar so that she could drive home drunk from another North Jersey bar undetected.

Oates reportedly then posted the following on social media: “lmao.. 2 mins later the cop peals out.. silly piggies tricks r for u.”

Thanks to that post, authorities were able to trace the fake 911 call back to her, according to Pittsburgh’s WPXI.

“You have police officers that should be doing other things, [who] are now responding to a call that’s false so that you can drive away drunk?” Wayne police Detective Capt. Laurence Martin told CBS New York. “And then bragging about it on social media—that’s as dumb as it gets.”

Oates has been charged with “filing false reports” and “creating false public alarm,” WPXI says.