Dumb Starbucks Man: I'm a Troop, Basically

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Welcome again to Dumb Starbucks (Man), the series where we examine the very dumb things that Howard Schultz keeps saying as he pretends to run for president.

March 14

Weather: Beautiful

Dumb Starbucks Man Stupidity Level: Grande (Reusable camo-print mug) 

Howard, my old friend! Haven’t seen you in so long. What have you been up to? Coming up with some good ideas for fixing America’s problems? Getting better at not saying stupid shit? Brewing some lattes?


No, none of those:


Yes, Schultz claimed the following: “I probably have spent more time in the last decade certainly than anyone running for president with the military.”

First of all, is it “probably” or “certainly?” You have to pick one. Secondly, really super-weird thing to say. And finally, just a truly epic fuck-up to make that claim when two of your opponents were actually in the military, and a bunch of others have actually been in office and probably doing all kinds of official troop-meeting events.


Howard later figured out that he fucked up:


I’m the last person to say that candidates should do a lot of performative troop praise and show deference to all troops, but it remains a baffling and stupid thing to say. Nice one, Howard, you idiot.