Festivalpaloozachella: A Style Guide to Festival Season

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HARK, KINFOLK AND GENTRIFRIENDS! Festival season is upon us, and that means music, food, dirt, sand, some other music, coitus in a tent, more music, and, most importantly, fashion. If you're at a loss for what to wear while arhythmically gyrating to the dulcet sounds of bands like Mason Jar Ennui or The Himalayan Salt Pickle Experience, worry not. We have some advice.

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Baggy Diaper Garbage Jorts

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REMEMBER: These shorts should be simultaneously tight and baggy, to best replicate the #fresh look and dance moves of a Greenpoint toddler.

Crochet Merkin Warmers

REMEMBER: "Crochet" isn't just a cute name for that aforementioned toddler.

Upcycled Tarp Capelets (Tarplets)

REMEMBER: Anything can be fabric, even certain fabric.

Appropriachic

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REMEMBER: You are honoring others by adorning yourself in their garb as you shout "OH EM GEE, I freaking love SUPERCHUNK! Use the 'Toaster' filter on Insti, Caleb!"

Nightmare Toe Sheaths

REMEMBER: Everyone loves a jaunty summer toe.

Detritus Bonnets

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REMEMBER: Nothing makes Gaia chortle with glee like seeing your glorious tresses matted down by the genitalia of slain flora as you vomit Shiner Bock against a golden sunset.

Darke Vysion Potty Cloaks

REMEMBER: Every part of a festival should be a totally transcendent experience, including the use of a Porte au Pottée.

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