Finally, the Dumbest Possible Explanation for the Sharpie Map: Trump Reportedly Drew It Himself

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Who did the Sharpie?

It’s a question that’s gnawed at the hearts and minds of an anxious nation ever since President Donald Trump waved around an obviously doctored storm projection map in an attempt to defend his blatantly untrue prediction that “...Alabama, will most likely be hit (much) harder than anticipated” by Hurricane Dorian.


Well, America can rest easy, knowing that this unsolved mystery has reportedly been solved: According to a White House official who spoke with The Washington Post on Thursday night, Trump himself added an extra—extremely amateurish—black ring to the hurricane map.

“No one else writes like that on a map with a black Sharpie,” the official—who spoke on the condition of anonymity for some reason—added.

Sharpie man, thou art Trump!

The apparent confirmation that Trump himself doodled the extra ring on the projection map comes as the president has steadfastly refused to admit that his Alabama prediction was total bullshit—going so far as to pull Fox News White House correspondent John Roberts into the Oval Office on Thursday for the express purpose of bitching at him about this excessively stupid scandal.

As CNN reported, Roberts wrote in an internal email that Trump was “just looking for acknowledgment that he was not wrong for saying that at some point, Alabama was at risk — even if the situation had changed by the time he issued the tweet.”

According to a White House aide who spoke with CNN, Trump also used his tete-a-tete with Roberts “to hit back at [Fox News anchor] Shepard Smith,” who also reported on the president’s meteorological mess-up.

Meanwhile, Hurricane Dorian had just made landfall in North Carolina. But it’s good to know that our permanent marker-toting president has his priorities straight.

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.