Fire Wilbur Ross Into Space

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Wilbur Ross, a man whose voice has been genetically modified to put you to sleep, has some particularly vile thoughts about federal workers affected by the shutdown.

Ross sat down for an interview with CNBC Thursday morning to yak about the trade relationship between the United States and China, which he did, saying the countries are “miles and miles” apart on a trade deal, after which the Dow dropped 100 points. Sounds great! Then, the Commerce secretary decided to follow in the footsteps of Lara Trump and wonder aloud what all this hullabaloo over federal workers missing a couple paychecks is really about.

The conversation came up when Ross was asked about how federal workers, some of whom live paycheck to paycheck even when they’re being paid, are faring in the shutdown, a concept that bewildered the man charged with being the nation’s Money Guy. After saying he was disappointed so many air traffic controllers were calling in sick, CNBC’s Andrew Ross Sorkin jumped in to point out that it was because many couldn’t afford to miss another paycheck, leading to this retort from hell in which Ross attempted to, in his words, “Put it in perspective.”


“You’re talking about 800,000 workers,” Ross said. “And while I feel sorry for the individuals that have hardship cases, 800,000 workers if they never got their pay—which is not the case, they will eventually get it—but if they never got it, you’re talking about a third of a percent on our GDP. So, it’s not like it’s a gigantic number overall.”


Any downplaying of the distraught tales coming from the 800,000 unpaid federal workers should be met with abject condemnation, but Ross wasn’t finished. After trying to say the banks “should” be handing out loans left and right to federal workers to hold them over, Sorkin asked Ross if he’s heard the stories of federal workers seeking out assistance from homeless shelters.

“I know they are, and I don’t really quite understand why,” Ross told CNBC. “Because, as I mentioned before, the obligations that they would undertake, say borrowing from a bank or a credit union, are in effect federally guaranteed.”


Ross, need I remind you, is the person that wore $525 slippers to a Trump speech. He’s also the person that Forbes caught trying to add a cool $2 billion to his reported net worth when Forbes valued his assets at a paltry $700 million. That is, he’s a 1 percent asshole who wants people to think he’s a 0.001 percent asshole. Fire this guy into the moon then fire the moon into a black hole. We’ll figure out the tides later.