Andy Dubbin
Save
This image was removed due to legal reasons.

This month Marvel Comics announced huge changes to some of their top-tier heroes. Thor will now be a woman (for the third time), and Captain America is now a black man (for the second time).

Advertisement

Hold that gasp. In their upcoming theatrical release Guardians of the Galaxy, Marvel will add a heroic space raccoon called Rocket and a sentient tree-being named Groot to their major theatrical ensemble.

So how can Marvel and major comic book publishers continue to challenge tired superhero conventions? We can only guess.

Advertisement

Filipino Captain America

Let's face it—it's not only about time for a black Captain America. It's too late. We're tired of talking about it; and with more than four percent of the U.S. foreign-born population hailing from the Philippines, I think we're ready for a Thrilla from Manila.

This image was removed due to legal reasons.

Female Spiderman

With a dearth of female superheroes in Marvel's primary lineup, we can expect the comics giant to announce Female Spiderman any day now. Her backstory? Just a regular lady, bit by an irregular arachnid.

Advertisement
This image was removed due to legal reasons.

Remember—FEMALE Spiderman—not spidergirl; not spiderwoman (who has already appeared in the comics on and off since 1977).

Advertisement

Always Eating Guy

Comic book superheroes live in a world of nonstop crime-fighting and few-and-far between feeding times. It's time a hero steps up, orders a thousand egg salad sandwiches, and seeks to consume like authentic Americans do: constantly and without interruption.

Advertisement
This image was removed due to legal reasons.

If you don't respect this guy's superpower, you should still respect him for wearing the tights.

Advertisement

Garbage Can Man

An international comics convention gets filthier than Pig-Pen faster than Flash; thus anthropogenic waste is the realest villain comics fans collectively will into existence.

Advertisement
This image was removed due to legal reasons.

Please don't tell Trash Can Man that humans appreciate a solid janitorial ethic. He's thinks what he does is super evil.

Advertisement

Hype Man

Finally, these new heroes are going to need some good press. In a disproportionately white, male, heteronormative super hero landscape, how can we get these new names in comics out into the world? This is a job for Hype Man, blessed with the ability to draw thousands of eager fans to his limited edition giveaways.

Advertisement
This image was removed due to legal reasons.

Stay tuned for more timely dispatches from San Diego Comic-Con 2014.

Andy is a graphics editor and cartoonist at Fusion.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter