Fox Demon Melts Down Over Elizabeth Warren's Plans to Help Workers

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Fox Business host Stuart Varney, who not too long ago described himself as a “refugee” of “English socialism,” and seems to think workers play no part in a business’s profitability, is really not happy about the idea of sharing profits with workers. Wonder why!


Appearing on Fox & Friends this morning to discuss a New York Post op-ed about Wall Street’s fears of an Elizabeth Warren presidency, Varney—who earlier this month claimed that Donald Trump has never lied—took particular issue with Warren’s “Accountable Capitalism Act.”

“This is a disaster! This is the socialist takeover of American business!” Varney practically yelled, even though the point of the act is clearly to save capitalism from eating itself before the proles start channeling their inner Robespierre.

“If this act were to go through, all companies—big companies—would have to get a license to do business,” Varney exclaimed. What??? A license??? To do business??

This is the second day in a row that Varney has flipped out about Warren, as he’s apparently trying to outdo CNBC’s Jim Cramer for being the Dumbest Business Channel Guy this week. On Wednesday, Varney called the Accountable Capitalism Act a “real threat to everyone’s money,” and proceeded to run down a list of entities that would share in the profits made by giant corporations that aren’t shareholders and CEOs. The horror!!!

“America’s great companies forced to dance to a socialist drumbeat,” Varney said glumly. If only, Stu. If only.

News editor, Splinter