Fuck No

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God help us: Howard Schultz, the billionaire former CEO of Starbucks, said on Twitter today that he is seriously considering running for president as a “independent centrist.”


After all the talk of “third party spoiler” candidates in the aftermath of 2016, it would be truly incredible, in a horrible way, if Schultz traipsed into the 2020 election in time to ruin it for whichever marginally more left candidate is chosen by the Democrats.

The response to Schultz’s tweet was, generally, not good. In fact, he’s currently getting ratio’d to hell.



Even centrists like former Hillary Clinton advisor and veteran poster Neera Tanden are pissed about Schultz’s pseudo-announcement.


Yeah, that’s how we defeat candidates in 2019: through refusing to buy a latte at their enormously popular global coffee chain.


The New York Times reports that Schultz has made plans to run and laid groundwork for campaigns in all 50 states. He is apparently planning to travel around the country on a book tour for the next three months before making a final decision about whether to run.

“We have a broken political system with both parties basically in business to preserve their own ideology without a recognition and responsibility to represent the interests of the American people,” Schultz told the Times.


“Republicans and Democrats alike—who no longer see themselves as part of the far extreme of the far right and the far left—are looking for a home,” Schultz said. “The word ‘independent,’ for me, is simply a designation on the ballot.”

“I am certainly prepared for the cynics and the naysayers to come out and say this cannot be done,” he added. “I don’t agree with them. I think it’s un-American to say it can’t be done. I’m not doing this to be a spoiler.”


Good to know, but Schultz’s intention to not be a spoiler doesn’t mean that his candidacy wouldn’t do exactly that.

He went on to explicitly attack the only good beliefs held by current Democratic candidates.


“I feel if I ran as a Democrat I would have to be disingenuous and say things that I don’t believe because the party has shifted so far to the left,” he told the Times. “When I hear people espousing free government-paid college, free government-paid health care and a free government job for everyone—on top of a $21 trillion debt—the question is, how are we paying for all this and not bankrupting the country?”

I don’t know, how about we start with your $3.4 billion and see how far we get?

“It’s as big of a false narrative as the wall,” he added. “Doesn’t someone have to speak the truth about what we can afford while maintaining a deep level of compassion and empathy for the American people?”


Here’s some truth for you: go fuck yourself.

CORRECTION: Schultz is Starbucks’ former CEO, not current.