Screenshot via YouTube

It should go without saying that you shouldn’t use your platform as a noted conservative pundit to bully a local family-owned restaurant about how your delivery order is late, but here we are.

During a stretch of time lasting roughly nine minutes on Tuesday afternoon, John Podhoretz—a vintage neocon egghead who rolled from the New York Post’s editorial page to The Weekly Standard to a nice gig as the editor of his dad’s magazine—seemed to completely lose his mind. The cause of his insanity: a tardy lunch order from New York City burger joint Schnippers, ordered through Seamless.

Can you steal someone’s identity using a Seamless order number?

“Dreadful, horrific service,” and the threat to tweet the restaurant’s account “every fifteen minutes” in front of his more than 120,000 Twitter followers—business must be slow at Commentary!—came out during Podhoretz’s diatribe.

But the run-in got bleaker still when the restaurant responded on Twitter, with one of the brothers that owns the restaurant saying he was filling in because of employees who were out sick:


Podhoretz responded to this development by deleting his unhinged tweets while still managing to be a dick about it and continuing to wage war on any Twitter rando that dared call him out.

He then managed to extract yet more groveling, with Schnippers sending him and the whole office free treats.


This is all par for the course from JPod. He has one of the worst Twitter accounts in the game, having been responsible for such catastrophically bad tweets as “my office” and “she’s 15? She looks fully adult.” He also has an illustrious history of tweeting about delivery services, both GOOD and BAD—one of the absolute worst things you can do on the internet.

While this could be seen as a parable about the hazards of using an on-demand delivery service app that’s draining the blood out of your favorite restaurants, I prefer to believe Podhoretz’s rotten delivery luck was the result of Fortune smiling on a self-fulfilling prophecy:


No free lunch for anyone except John!