Dallas Woodhouse, in healthier times
Photo: Getty

I’m just going to say it: This did not happen.

Dallas Woodhouse, longtime GOP operative and brother to longtime Democratic operative Brad Woodhouse (fun family!), claims he vomited after watching coverage of the ballot-stealing scandal in North Carolina’s 9th congressional district.

I do not believe him. Perhaps he felt very bad and afraid, seeing as he is the in charge of the state party and is surely having a rough week, but I do not believe he ran from his couch to the bathroom to blow chunks. I believe that was a rhetorical flourish—a ‘lie,’ if you will—designed to demonstrate just how seriously the party is taking this, probably in hopes of heading off any actual, serious investigation into the state Republican party about who knew what about the alleged scheme.

Indeed, just two days ago, Politifact ruled that Woodhouse falsely claimed last Saturday that there “aren’t enough ballots in question to change the outcome” of the election.” This is not true—as Politifact noted, the number of ballots that the state’s elections board could be looking at far exceeds the current margin of 905 votes. In a December 2 email to reporters, the state GOP claimed to support an investigation “as long as it is fair and includes the investigations of irregularities committed by both sides,” saying, “Democrats’ affidavits published in media reports do not give any indication as to which side the actions described may have benefited.” This is an email sent by the party of which Woodhouse is the executive director. Did something change in just a few days? Or is it more likely: Is Woodhouse full of shit?

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Yesterday, the Charlotte Observer called for a new election to be held in an editorial, noting that “Republicans from Raleigh to Washington would surely howl.” Woodhouse claims he’s open to a new election, though it’s not really up to him, of course. (Just three days ago, Woodhouse said he opposed holding a new election.) Time will tell if the state party will hold themselves to that statement.

In the meantime, I suggest some Pepto-Bismol and a nice lie down.