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Hannah, Jessa, Marnie and Shosh are each complete nightmares in their own special way. But last night's Season 4 premiere of "Girls" confirmed an opinion many viewers already had: Marnie is the worst.


The show opens (provocatively, as ever) with Allison Williams's Marnie bent over her kitchen sink as Desi, her acoustic guitar-playing songwriting partner who happens to have a girlfriend, buries his face in her rear. See here (NSFW).

After the session, Desi says he “loved that"—referring to the butt play, clearly. But Marnie responds by saying “I love you, too," because she’s the worst.

The "Girls" writers make it hard to like Marnie…she can't just be cool. At the end of last season, Desi's girlfriend Clementine confronted Marnie for being a thirsty little groupie, which is more or less true. In last night's premiere, Clementine says sorry and Marnie smugly returns the apology, talking some bullshit about how she's not even "remotely capable" of hooking up with Clementine's man.

We're on to you, Marnie.

(An aside: the "Break a leg, lady!"/ "Aw thanks girl" exchange was spot on).

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Desi and Marnie take the stage at their brunch gig, which is actually just two stools in the middle of what appears to be a mediocre NYC restaurant. The duo completely bombs while performing an original "ditty" (Desi's words) called "Breathless."

The lyrics were likely written by Marnie, as they include uncool lyrics such as, "I don't wanna dream if dreamin' is without you, I don't wanna run unless I'm runnin' towards you, every single thing I do is all about you."

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A few bratty little kids start running around the restaurant and disrespecting the live performance. A mini-Marnie breakdown ensues and she storms out.


Luckily Elijah comes thru with sage wisdom as always, asking Marnie what Lady Gaga and Judy Garland have in common (her uncool response: "They're both white?"): “No, they’re both bad bitches who don’t give a f*ck what people think.”

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Here's to Marnie on her journey to being a bad bitch. It may be a long journey.

And in an effort to be fair and balanced, we'll close this rant with an example of Marnie at her absolute best: when she's covering a Kanye song and singing "you can be my white Kate Moss tonight" in front of a party full of her boyfriend's coworkers.

And if you were curious about what Williams's real-life father Brian thought about that kitchen scene (who wasn't!), you're in luck, because he commented on it. "No animals were hurt" during filming, the NBC News anchor said. Cute, right?

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Alexandra DiPalma is a producer for Fusion Lightworks, Fusion’s In-house Branded Content Agency.

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