Hamas arrests an alleged Israeli dolphin for spying

How the Israeli army planned on getting the spyware back from this dolphin is a mystery. But apparently someone’s got the answers, because, as the Times of Israel reports, Hamas—an Islamic militant group—captured a dolphin equipped with spy materials, including cameras, and believed to be a spy for Israel.

Israel’s Army Radio broke the original news, claiming the dolphin was captured off the coast of Gaza by “the naval unit” of Hamas.

Ynet News tells us that the Palestinian publication Al-Quds reports militants grew worried about the dolphin’s “suspicious movements,” and that led to the dolphin’s arrest.

Okay, what the hell is going on here? Are these some super-dolphins? Can they talk to humans? Why would a spy dolphin be moving in a more suspicious manner than a regular dolphin? It’s not like they planted a remote control on it. Right?

Al-Quds also tells us the dolphin was outfitted with arrows capable of firing at a human being. So: dolphin has cameras and weapons. Alright.

Here’s an excerpt from a National Geographic story about dolphin intelligence:

Above the surface Bolton presses her thumbs and middle fingers together, telling the dolphins to keep up this cooperative innovation. And they do. The 400-pound animals sink down, exchange a few more high-pitched whistles, and then simultaneously blow bubbles together. Then they pirouette side by side. Then they tail walk. After eight nearly perfectly synchronized sequences, the session ends.

There are two possible explanations of this remarkable behavior. Either one dolphin is mimicking the other so quickly and precisely that the apparent coordination is only an illusion. Or it’s not an illusion at all: When they whistle back and forth beneath the surface, they’re literally discussing a plan.