Hell Is Empty and All the Demons Are at CPAC 2018

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Every year, the American Conservative Union plunges its hands into the grimy depths of the reanimated political right wing and pulls out a who’s who of fear mongering ultra-nationalist ghouls to address the Fox News-addled crowds at the group’s annual hootenanny known as CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference.


On Sunday, CPAC published its agenda of scheduled speakers for the event, which starts tomorrow and runs through Saturday, and to absolutely no one’s surprise, it’s a total horror show.

Let’s see who we’ve got here...

President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike “hang them all” Pence. No surprise there! But who’s that next on the list? Why it’s homophobic, Islamophobic scion of the quasi-fascist French National Front party, Marion Le Pen.

And after that? White House counsel Don McGhan, who until last week didn’t have permanent security clearance to work in the Trump administration.

Then there’s Fox News’ resident conspiracy monger Sean Hannity, who still hasn’t apologized for dragging murdered DNC staffer Seth Rich’s name through the mud for no reason other than to boost his TV ratings.


Internet ultra-villain Ajit Pai is also on the bill, as is noted soup lover Senator Ted Cruz. John Bolton—whose virulent Islamophobia wasn’t enough to overcome President Trump’s hatred for mustaches to land a spot in the administration—is slated to appear at CPAC too.

Then there’s former sheriff David Clarke, whose tenure as Milwaukee’s top cop was punctuated by a series of inmate deaths under his watch.


I see “please don’t call my extremely racist political party racist” British nationalist Nigel Farage is back again this year to spread more xenophobic nonsense from across the pond.

And, as if this crap sundae needed a particularly shitty cherry on top, there’s NRA honcho Wayne La Pierre, whose love of guns is exceeded only by his love of, well, nothing.


So, there you go—just a small glimpse of the endless horrors that await guests at this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference. God help us all.

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.