Here's a Good Protest Idea

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In Wisconsin yesterday, protesters booed the hell out of evil white bastard Scott Walker as he attempted to light the state Christmas tree. A well-deserved protest, yes—but also a missed opportunity.

Here’s a good idea. Are you having a protest in the month of December? Burn a Christmas tree. Nothing makes a powerful visual statement like a Christmas tree aflame. I say that as someone who loves Christmas as much as anyone. But I know that Jesus and Santa—two strong advocates of social justice—wouldn’t mind contributing to a righteous cause.

Sure, it was nice to see Scott Walker’s bitch ass get shouted down like the worm that he is. But imagine if, while that was all going on, someone had snuck in from behind and put a Zippo to the lower branches of the state Christmas tree? As the flames licked higher and higher, soon engulfing the entire ornament from trunk to crowning star, no one would fail to see the symbolism of Walker’s destruction of the people’s rights.



I once attended a spontaneous street protest in New York City that took place at the exact same time and location as the annual Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting. Angry, chanting protesters swarmed the sidewalks yelling at the NYPD as confused tourists stood gazing, mouths agape. That was fun and all, but I regret that none of us had the courage and presence of mind to realize that a single well-aimed torch could have caused a blaze with unparalleled photographic power. As America’s tree burned, all would have been forced to contemplate the harmful abuses of power that were tearing our society apart. How did it come to this? Perhaps these problems should be fixed, before even Santa himself is sucked into our roiling political wars.


It’s not anti-Christmas; it’s just a matter of taking advantage of the landscape that you are handed. Big, beautiful, flammable Christmas trees are, as we speak, conveniently located in many prominent centers of power where you might already be considering a protest. It would only take a little extra gumption to create a masterpiece of symbolic resonance. And I’ve been to enough bonfires to know that Christmas trees burn real easy. Lots of sap and whatnot.

Something to consider.