Here's Michael Cohen's Excruciatingly Awkward Get Out the Vote Plea

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I ask you: What is the measure of a man? Is it the number of times he repeats “says who?” on television? The degree to which he denies ever having been to Prague? The amount of felonies he admits to having committed on behalf of the President of the United States?


Whatever the case may be, Michael Cohen—Donald Trump’s onetime personal attorney and former deputy finance chairman of the Republican National Committee—was on CNN Friday, doing his damndest to come off as a hashtag-resistance figure committed to righting the political wrongs of Trump, some of which he’s been partially responsible for (a fact he conveniently neglected to mention on camera).

After explaining to CNN’s MJ Lee outside his Manhattan home that he’s doing “okay” since pleading guilty to numerous felonies this summer, Cohen offered the following sage wisdom about his personal journey through America’s political machinery:

I’ve been Democrat for pretty much my whole entire life. I switched because of a request of the RNC. Couldn’t be the vice chair of the RNC and be a Democrat.

Wait a sec—you don’t suppose that the executive levels of America’s major political parties are a total sham predicated on money and influence rather than ideological conviction, do you?

Cohen continued, offering one of the least inspiring get-out-the-vote pleas I’ve heard since (apologies in advance for dredging up this cursed memory) Hillary Clinton urged people to “Pokemon the polls”:

Here’s my recommendation. Grab your family, grab your friends, grab your neighbors, and get to the poll, because if not, you are going to have another two or another six years of this craziness. So, make sure you vote. All right?


As the man responsible for helping put Donald Trump in the Oval Office, he should probably be a little more apologetic when he asks other people to help put an end to “this craziness.”

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.