Photo: J. Scott Applewhite (AP)

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has just a few months left in the House of Representatives before he returns to Wisconsin to eat brats, chug Spotted Cow, and generally be a waste of space. That doesn’t mean, however, that he’s letting his short time left in office go to waste—at least not when it comes to advocating garbage policies or owning himself with idiotic attempts to sound like a cool dude, and not a TI-83 inexplicably brought to life.

Responding to Wisconsin Democrat Mark Pocan’s just-introduced bill to terminate the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency—one of the latest moves in the increasingly significant Abolish ICE movement—Ryan whined on Thursday that Democrats are pushing the “craziest position I’ve ever seen and they are tripping over themselves to move too far to the left.”


The push to get rid of an agency that has become a de facto, semi-judicial deportation squad is, in fact, an increasingly mainstream effort that has been amplified by a growing number of national figures including Senator Bernie Sanders, New York gubernatorial candidate Cynthia Nixon, and a host of Democratic lawmakers.

But Ryan was not done. He “went for it.”

“They have really jumped the sharks on the left,” Ryan said. “It’s amazing.”

Just how many sharks are the Democrats jumping, Paul? Three? Nine? One GIANT shark, like the star of Jason Statham’s upcoming action-adventure film The Meg??

As fellow Milwaukee-land native Arthur Fonzarelli—you know, the guy who actually invented jumping the shark—would probably say: Sit on it.


Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.

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