How ๐Ÿ‘ Come ๐Ÿ‘ Nobody ๐Ÿ‘ Wanna ๐Ÿ‘ Fuck ๐Ÿ‘ DC ๐Ÿ‘ Conservatives?๐Ÿ‘

Photo: Getty

All is fair in love and warโ€”except for conservatives in Washington, DC, who are just trying to get laid in spite of their own beliefs.

See, DC (short for โ€œDating Capital,โ€ ha ha!) has one of the highest concentrations of single people actively dating in the world, per a Time Out survey. But it looks like politics is playing a bigger role than ever in preventing DC conservatives from boning. As Carrie Bradshaw would say, โ€œI couldnโ€™t help but wonderโ€: How come nobody wanna fuck conservatives?

Advertisement

Today, Washingtonian published a more in-depth look at what itโ€™s like to date in DC, and itโ€™s basically bunch of single conservative dudes bemoaning the lack of ass theyโ€™re getting as a direct result of their own shitty political beliefs. According to them, the real problem with the divisions between liberals and conservatives is that liberals are far too quick to judge others! Take for example, this person:

โ€œA lot of times youโ€™ll connect with someone [on an app] and theyโ€™ll Google you, find out you worked for Trumpโ€™s campaign, and then itโ€™s pretty much all downhill from there,โ€ says a Trump Administration official.

Advertisement

You know when someone who played a part in a campaign that was rooted in white supremacy and the rantings of a self-confessed sexual assaulter canโ€™t get a date, the system is truly rigged!

Even worse, simply being conservative, regardless of whether or not you actually support Trump, is enough to scare off liberals. Just look at this harrowing tale from a reporter at a conservative media company:

He once brought a woman back to his place, and while checking out his bookshelf, she noticed some books by conservative thinkers, he says. โ€œShe was like, โ€˜Oh no. First question: Did you vote for Trump?โ€™,โ€ the reporter says. He told her no, but that he was conservative. โ€œShe was like โ€˜I have to get out of here. I canโ€™t see you,โ€™ and left.โ€

Advertisement

How much longer are we going to allow conservatives to be romantically and/or sexually rejected for merely displaying what was almost certainly Atlas Shrugged on their bookshelves (if not John Stuart Mill or Infinite Jest)?

Hereโ€™s another one:

โ€œI feel like they look at me and are like, hereโ€™s a tall white dude with brown hair wearing loafers, and he probably has a picture of Reagan and the NRA in his bedroom or something,โ€ says one of the reporters from the conservative media company. โ€œI just think they have a very hyperbolic view of what a conservative is.โ€

Advertisement

How can liberals live with themselves while prohibiting tall white (conservative) dudes with brown hair and loafers who are tall (did I mention tall?) from living up to their potential as lovers? And why canโ€™t they just overcome their own values and see someone like, say, a climate change โ€œskeptic,โ€ for who they are: a human being who just wanna fuck like you and me.

Alas:

When she first moved to DC, a former Obama White House staffer who now works at the Aspen Institute was set up on a date with a Republican who worked on Capitol Hill. โ€œWe had a really nice time, but at the end of the date, he told me he didnโ€™t believe in global warming,โ€ she says. โ€œI started laughing, because Iโ€™m from Colorado and didnโ€™t realize people actually didnโ€™t believe in global warming. But he was serious.โ€

They didnโ€™t go out again.

The liberals interviewed for the article claimed that they can tell the difference between โ€œthose in favor of the administration and Never Trump-ers,โ€ and a current White House staffer admitted she swiped left on liberal arts graduates and people who wore pussy hats in their pictures. But when it comes to not fucking conservatives, it seems like this really is a liberal problem. Good going biased LIBBOS!

Share This Story

About the author

Isha Aran

Isha is a staff reporter who covers pop culture, representation in media, and your new faves.