AP

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas once went 10 years without asking a question during oral arguments. His media appearances are also few and far between.

But late Saturday, The Daily Caller published a rare interview with Thomas—complete with an “EXCLUSIVE” billing. How did the fruit of Tucker Carlson’s loins accomplish such a feat?

Screengrab from Facebook

The conservative judge “agreed to become the 341st leader interviewed for my Daily Caller News Foundation series,” contributor Ginni Thomas begins her piece, alluding to an intimate look back at her subject’s life and career. Quite a get!

Ginni Thomas continues (emphasis mine):

People often want to define you by the bad things that happen in your life, [Clarence Thomas] says, but there has been so much good amidst the challenges he told me, his wife, in this exclusive interview for TheDCNF.

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Ah. “Exclusive” is doing quite a heavy lift here, I see. I, too, grant “exclusive” interviews to my girlfriend. But even those one-on-ones don’t typically start with the sort of softballs lobbed up by The Daily Caller News Foundation, as pulled from the transcript of the sitdown:

Ginni Thomas, The Daily Caller News Foundation: Clarence Thomas you’re the best man walking the face of the earth. It’s an honor to interview you for my leader series. Thanks for agreeing to do this. Happy 2018.

Justice Clarence Thomas: Well I’m really stressed out about this interview.

Thomas was making a joke about his wife interviewing him for a news organization that would trumpet their conversation as an “EXCLUSIVE” in order to convert the resulting bump in attention into increased advertising revenue. What a gas!

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But I digress. It’s the content of an interview that matters—not the questioner. Yet here, too, the Q&A is found wanting. Ginni Thomas asks Clarence Thomas about his “wingspan” of experiences, his humility, his marital advice, his greatest blessings, his love for Wealth of Nations, the“propagandists” who seek to defame him, and so on. She does nothing to address the points of inquiry for which we, her audience, truly clamor: Does Clarence Thomas close the kitchen cabinets? Does he leave the toilet seat up? Does he drop loose change on literally every flat surface in the goddamn house?

It was a missed opportunity to hold a powerful man accountable for minor household transgressions that have piled up over decades. But I suppose I understand the reasoning: The Daily Caller News Foundation is playing the access game in order to land a future “EXCLUSIVE” with Clarence Thomas. And with this sort of “jovial ending” to the interview—Ginni Thomas’ words—how could he say no?

GT: Okay, we’re done. Thank you.

CT: I had more stuff to say!

GT: How long can we go?

The Daily Caller News Foundation: Actually, I’m not sure, I think 40 minutes.

CT: I have more stuff to talk about.

GT: You do? Do you have questions for me?

CT: Yeah, all right, let me see, where do I have my list of questions? I do have some questions.

[End interview]