How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse

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On July 27 in the year 2018, the moon will be dripping with rivulets of blood during what is set to be the longest lunar eclipse of this century. According to the British tabloid The Daily Mirror this could be a big “Oi! Mate!” wake-up call for all of us as doomsday preachers are predicting that the event will bring about the end of days. Apocalypse time, baby!!!!

The eclipse is set to last for one hour and 43 minutes. That means that if it really is our last day on Earth, the media will have more than enough time to blog about it, maybe even twice if you are a buff blogger like me. Here’s how (I imagine) our industry’s lovable and intrepid nerds would cover our last moments before sweet, sweet release:

The Point with Chris Cillizza

Winners and Losers From the Moon Imploding Into the Earth

Politico Playbook

SPOTTED: The Moon, hitting the Sun, and also Gary Cohn, Hilary Rosen, and Jake Tapper getting lunch at le Diplomate.



Would U? The Apocalypse


ONE BIG THING: It’s true the apocalypse is here. A well-wired stalwart of the GOP tells me that the moon is indeed imploding into earth.

Be Smart: Yes, it’s been a wild run. But think about how the history books would have covered it.

The Cut

The Sun Has Big Dick Energy


You Won’t Fucking Believe Chuck Schumer’s Mealy-Mouthed Apocalypse Statement

The New York Times

In Coal Country, Trepidation And Economic Anxiety Over Forthcoming White Genocide



Side To Side: Ariana Grande Says Pete Davidson’s 10-Inch ‘SNL’ Schlong’s Smashing Her To Staccato Smithereens (Just Like the Sun Is about to Do to the Earth)


Fox News

Red Hen Restaurant Remains Closed, As It Is Every Monday

Clio Chang is a staff writer at Splinter.

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