I took a weed bath and I kind of freaked out

Welcome to Weed Needs, in which we review new and dope products coming out of the cannabis industry!

I love baths. I only take a proper bath probably once or twice a year (in part because I know baths can negatively affect your vaginal health), but as someone who finds it extremely difficult to detach and just relax, I value being forced to sit in one spot and do nothing—especially when I’m not allowed to use technology. I recently took one of the most relaxing baths of my life, and I’m assuming it had something to do with the fact that it was infused with THC. Yep, I took a weed bath.

Last week, I went home to Colorado to attend not one, but two weddings, so needless to say I was in need of some R&R. I hit up a local dispensary and walked out with a bottle of Dixie’s Bath Soak, bath salts (no, not like that) infused with rosemary oil, lavender oil, cedarwood, and of course, THC (short for tetrahydrocannabinol, the major psychoactive component in marijuana). These are apparently only sold in Arizona and Colorado, so what better reason to federally legalize than that?

Between the description of the salts on the bottle (“to relieve muscle soreness and tension”) and the description given by the dispensary employee who sold it to me (“so good”), I was pretty excited about it.

The bottle suggested adding between two to five ounces of the salt to the bath. I decided to play it safe and add three ounces because 1) there was a vague and ominous note on the bottle warning me that the “intoxicating effects” wouldn’t kick in for a couple hours, although I wasn’t sure if that meant I had to stay in the tub for that long and 2) I had a wedding reception later that night.

I opened the bottle and took a gentle sniff. Here’s a pro tip: Don’t do that. Not even gently. Lightly waft it just the way you were taught in high school chem, because smelling it even a little is like a dose of sulfur straight to your sinuses, although less brimstone and more menthol, like an adorable family-owned apothecary at the fiery gates of hell. Despite this unrelaxing start, I sprinkled the salt into my bubble bath and watched the salt crystals sink to the bottom (it’s basically Epsom salt), as the much more gentle aroma filled the bathroom. I had already added some bubble bath because I am a child, but the fragrance of the salt paired quite nicely with whatever Neutrogena bath gel my mom had on tap. I stepped in.

I could feel the effects almost immediately. It was like sitting in a Tiger Balm bath, and as someone who puts Tiger Balm on my neck and shoulders multiple times a week, I welcomed the familiar cool but burning sensation of a counterirritant. An Altoid for your body.

Because it’s topical, the THC doesn’t get into your blood, so you don’t get high—THC works topically as a pain reliever and a muscle relaxant. So I laid back, put on a K-drama, and relaxed. But after about 25 minutes of luxuriating, it hit me.

What if I got high through my vagina? No, seriously, what if some THC-steeped water got in there and I got super duper high because that membrane is super thin, and don’t you get really fucked up when you put a vodka soaked tampon in there because it hits you faster? Maybe I’m already high. Was there some way to lay down in the bath while keeping my ladybits out of the water? Probably not. I washed my face, but then realized that maybe the THC could get into my body through my eyes (that’s a thing, right??) I can’t show up to a wedding full of Indian aunties and uncles vaginally blazed.

So, I pulled the plug.

For the next 15 or 20 minutes, I tried to figure out why I was kind of freaking out. My body felt chill AF, but I didn’t feel high. I wasn’t craving Cheez-Its or seaweed or any other munchies. And I was already feeling the pressure of attending a large social function and stressed out about getting my hair just right, so that certainly had something to do with it. But something told me it wasn’t just me. I mean, come on, trying to take a bath with my vagina in the air?

Despite my mild freakout, I felt refreshed and (physically, if not mentally) relaxed as I got out of the tub and resolved to take another THC bath as soon as possible, when I had no important social engagements. Would highly recommend!

(Note: Just checked Dixie’s website and found this fun fact about the bath soak: “While most topical products do not produce psychoactive effects, it is possible for women to experience psychoactive effects when using Dixie Bath Soak.” Wish that was on the bottle.)