I'm A Single Issue Voter: No More Khakis

Photo: Charlie Neibergall (AP)

Fashion is subjective. We all have our own particular tastes and preferences. People should, as a rule, be free to wear whatever they want to and express themselves through clothing however they choose. However. BUT. There are exceptions to every rule. My exception: no khakis, especially on presidential candidates.

I’m sorry. I can’t do it! There are many problems with how presidential candidates dress. I’m not saying you have to go full de Blasio and drastically change your game for the campaign trail. But I am saying this: I won’t vote for a man who wears khakis.

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Here is 2020 candidate John Hickenlooper on the campaign trail, visiting with food bank workers trying to care for immigrants impacted by ICE raids last year. Their work is objectively good. But. However.

The khakis.

It is hard to explain why this outfit fills me with such unbridled, visceral rage. Is it because this particular look is emblematic of the demographic (boomer white dudes) who have controlled the government for decades? Is it because Hickenlooper’s policies promise to maintain that status quo of capitalist drudgery at any cost? Or is it just because he looks exactly like the shitty biology teacher at my old high school? I do not know, but I am consumed by my anger, it is taking control of me, it is making me obsessively Google more pictures of John Hickenlooper to see him in khakis again.

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Photo: Garrett W. Ellwood (Getty)

What!!! 😠😠😠😠😠

Photo: Theo Stroomer (Getty)
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AAAH 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡!!!!!!

Hickenlooper is far from the only offender. If you search hard enough, I’m sure you could find most of the presidential candidates wearing khakis. This is because most of them suck!

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Here is Bill de Blasio before his image overhaul.

Photo: Yana Paskova (Getty)
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Look around him. All around de Blasio are people (except the burly bodyguard looking type on the left edge of the frame) who have managed to refrain from wearing khakis. And yet. The mayor. The candidate. The politician. Khakis!!!! Fuck!!!

Presidential candidates. I am begging you. You do not have to do this. You can dress like a normal person (who doesn’t wear khakis). Some may say that once again, the left is setting unreasonable standards. To which I would say no. Not wearing khakis is a perfectly reasonable standard (so is supporting Medicare for All). And if you can’t do that, you won’t get MY vote.

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About the author

Jack Crosbie

Contributing Writer, Splinter