President Donald Trump taking a swing on White House Sports and Fitness Day
Photo: Andrew Harnik/AP

I’ve yet to see a fake title that our impressive, masterful president hasn’t been able to proudly claim for himself, emperor’s clothes and all, but this one might top the rest.

President Donald Trump, at 72 years old, managed to cinch the 2018 Men’s Club championship at his Trump International Golf Club. How? By not participating in the championship, and then reportedly challenging the actual champion to a game, which he won, thereby claiming he took the title. None of it matters because what are golf championships but embellishments of someone’s character anyway, and what difference does this lie make compared to the however many lies he’s made in the past two years let alone decades? But I digress.

Last year, Ted Virtue, the 58-year-old CEO of New York investment firm MidOcean Partners, won the 2018 championship, which Trump did not compete in, perhaps because he was busy pretending to run the country. As Golf.com reported today, however, Trump goaded Virtue into a rematch (though Trump, again, never played for the championship in the first place) after telling Virtue he only won because Trump hadn’t been around to beat him.

So, they matched off in a nine-hole challenge, with Virtue perhaps being the only sign of integrity on Trump’s course that day. From Golf.com, emphasis mine:

You could say there wasn’t much in it for Virtue, and you could argue that this is not how these matters are typically, if ever, settled. But consider these factors:

1. Trump owns the course;

2. Trump is the president of the United States;

3. Trump is not your typical golfer.

Virtue said yes.

They played match play (each hole as its own contest) and straight up (no shots were given). As in nearly all amateur golf rounds, no rules official was on hand. Golf’s tradition calls for players to police themselves and, if necessary, one another.

Trump won.

Who’s to say Trump, our very healthy, septuagenarian president, didn’t cheat his way into this title? Well, me, definitely, and maybe also Golf.com, if we read between the lines.

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Anyway, Trump ended up telling Virtue that his win wasn’t fair (duh) and settled on the two of them being “co-champions.” While the pair are listed as such on a large club-championship plaque on a Trump clubhouse wall, Trump’s men’s room locker denotes him as “2018 Men’s Club Champion,” no “co-” to be found, per the site.

Alas, please add this to the long, long list of dumb stuff Trump has lied about, and then don’t ask me to elaborate on this—Golf, Trump Golfing, all related keywords–ever again.