The Daily Beast reported today that Univision, the parent company of both the Gizmodo Media Group and Onion Inc., is planning to layoff a significant number of Onion Inc. employees in the coming days. Included in the Beast’s story was this anecdote about a recent all-hands meeting between Onion Inc. employees and Univision head of digital, Sameer Deen:
When asked during an all-hands meeting with staffers from one site earlier this year what his favorite article was on an Onion Inc. site, Univision’s head of digital Sameer Deen would not answer.
Employees at Gizmodo Media Group found this to be strange. In their experience, anyone who is not some kind of fucking freaky sicko has at least one favorite Onion blog. To demonstrate the veracity of this theory, something like 14 Gizmodo Media Group employees spent something like 17 minutes recalling their favorite Onion Inc. blogs from memory. Here are some of the posts they were able to remember without thinking very hard at all:
Potential Employee Uprising Quelled With Free Pizza
The 2 Types Of Motorcycles That There Are
In My Day, Ballplayers Were For Shit
US Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We’re At War With
It Only Tuesday
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
‘I Didn’t Ask For This’: Meet The Man Who Has Osama Bin Laden’s Old Cell Phone Number
Beautiful. Listen To This Father And His Young Son Tell Each Other How Much They Love Each Other After We Altered Their Voices To Be The Same Pitch
I Don’t Let My Kids Watch Winnie The Pooh Because I Don’t Want Them Idolizing A Fat Virgin
Pretty Cute Watching Boston Residents Play Daily Game Of ‘Big City’
I Put On A Fat Suit To Understand What It’s Like To Be Your Mom
5 Times The Animatronic Fox On Splash Mountain Addressed Me By Name And Told Me He Was Going To Marry My Dad
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt
Are You A Big Jazz Boy Or A Little Jazz Boy?
There’s Only Room At This Party For One Guy Named Skeeter
Five Or Six Dudes Jump Out Of Nowhere And Just Start Whaling On This One Guy
Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate
Old Lady At Parade Flapping Little American Flag Like A Motherfucker
Everyone Likes Mayonnaise, But Nobody Likes My Grandson
NASA Completes 52-Year Mission To Find, Kill God
Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality
It Doesn’t Look That Cold Out, Reports Man Who Doesn’t Have Thermo-Sensing Eyes
Probably Unnecessary: This Amber Alert Mentions That The Missing Kid’s Nickname At School Is ‘Big Lord Beefcake’
Mike Pence Asks Waiter To Remove Mrs. Butterworth From Table Until Wife Arrives
Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids
Area Bedroom Has That Weird Jeff Smell, Housemates Report
Ah, Fuck: These Waterfalls Are 100 Percent Beef
ClickHole Has Comments Now! Please Familiarize Yourself With Our Harsh Yet Just Comment Laws
Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Still Had
3 Years Ago He Hated Gay People. Today He’s A Completely Different Person. Still Pretty Weird That He Used To Hate Gay People Though.
Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades
It Is My Hope That I Will Be Remembered As A Great Man
February 26, 1913
Point Counterpoint: Humidity
Heartbreaking: This Man Starved To Death Because He Was Too Captivated By The Diverse Array Of Content Offered By Properties Of The Gizmodo Media Group To Leave His Computer
Holy Fucking Shit: Fargas The Foreign-Exchange Student Just Cracked His Head Open In Gym Class And Is Shrieking Like A Motherfucker
The 5 Huskiest Boys In The Ohio County 9-Year-Old Pee-Wee Football League, Ranked By How Much Of An Animal They Are On The Field
Devastating: Watch This Guy Realize That When He Overhears People At Work Talking About ‘The Hamburger Dipshit’ They’re Referring To Him
Which One Of My Garbage Sons Are You?
Congrats to the many employees of Onion Inc. for producing such an effortlessly memorable body of work. And congrats to a handful of Gizmodo Media Group employees for proving that they are not fucking freaky sickos.