Photo: Eduardo Munoz Alvarez (Getty)

In his first major interview since landing himself under investigation for a laundry list of of alleged financial and election offenses, President Donald Trump’s longtime attorney-cum-fixer Michael Cohen declared proudly that his family is great and that, if he had to choose, he’d pick them over Trump.

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“My wife, my daughter and my son have my first loyalty and always will,” Cohen told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos in comments first aired Monday morning. “I put family and country first.”

Golly, isn’t that nice?

Notably, Cohen didn’t mention anything resembling loyalty to Trump himself—a far cry from when he once bragged that he’d “take a bullet” for the president. It’s also worth pointing out that a joint defense agreement between Cohen and Trump’s legal team—in which they’d pledged to share various pieces of evidence and legal documents with one another—is reportedly set to end in the coming days. Hmmmm.

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Is this all a sign that Cohen is considering flipping on his onetime patron? Is he sending a big blaring “please god, give me a pardon” vibe out into the universe in the hopes that the president is listening? Are we all just speculating wildly to distract ourselves from America’s ongoing hurricane of fuck?

Probably “yes” to all of the above.