Photo: Flickr

When someone approaches you on the street and says rapidly, “This is the biggest innovation in the chocolate sector since white chocolate in the late 1930s,” what is your reaction? Shock? Instinctual violence? Is this a real breakthrough—or one big con job?

According to a company named Barry Callebaut, which is reportedly “the world’s biggest supplier of chocolate and cocoa products” but which I, personally, have never heard of (suspicious much?), the biggest innovation in the chocolate sector since white chocolate is—now here’s a shocker—a new kind of chocolate invented by the Barry Callebaut company. (Connecting any dots here?) The new chocolate is called “ruby chocolate” and what is it?

Photo: Nestle

Let me keep it absolutely real with you Barry Callebaut: what you call a real chocolate innovation derived from Ruby cocoa beans, which has an intense berry-fruitiness taste without the addition of any flavour or colour, I call Just Another Fuckin Pink Kit Kat Bar. You’ll have to pardon me if I don’t fall to my knees and kiss your Barry Calle-Butt.

We’re done here.