It's Mitt Romney's Birthday and He's Definitely Having a Normal One

Remember Mitt Romney? I myself could have sworn that after losing the presidential election to Barack Obama in 2012, Romney disappeared into a quiet life of being a rich, conservative, sexagenarian baddie off on a farm somewhere, but no! He’s apparently a United States senator from Utah! So, still a (now septuagenarian), conservative baddie, but one with a job.


Anyway, Romney turns 72 years old today and to commemorate the occasion, his staff surprised him with a cake made out of his favorite snack, Twinkies! Aw, how humanizing. Let’s go to the tape:


Coincidentally, this is me while watching this video:

Illustration for article titled Its Mitt Romneys Birthday and Hes Definitely Having a Normal One

Now, Mitt Romney is not generally known for being or acting like a normal human, but his candle blowing technique really takes things to a new level. It starts off fine. They bring in the cake, and it elicits normal reactions from Romney: smiles, arms spread, standard vocal reactions (“Holy cow! Look at that! That’s fantastic!”). They sing. Then it happens.

Romney begins systematically removing candles one by one and blowing them out. After the second candle drops from his hand he says “This is never gonna work is it?” and then…continues with the method. What??? Who taught him this??? Has Mitt Romney ever blown out the candles or been in the presence of someone blowing out the candles on a birthday cake during the course of his entire life??


Most likely, it is simply further proof that Mitt Romney is a replicant who, when tasked with performing everyday human functions, occasionally glitches. It’s not his fault. He can’t help that he isn’t human.

Social Editor, Splinter

Share This Story

Get our newsletter