Illustration for article titled Jacob Wohl Volunteers As Tribute
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In his short, stupid time on Earth, ambulatory internet troll Jacob Wohl has fought on many front lines. He has battled the malignant left-wing cabal that refused to allow him to proliferate fake accounts on Twitter dot com. He has sparred with fictional hipsters in fictional hipster coffee shops nationwide. He has wrestled the truth on countless occasions. He has, presumably, fought his mother for a slightly later bedtime. And now Wohl is ready for combat once more: this time, in Iran.

Indeed, according to the Daily Beast, Wohl says that if Trump does go to war with Iran—a move that, if made, could not possibly end well—he’s signing up. “If we go to war with Iran, I will enlist within 10 days,” he told the outlet in an Instagram message, adding he would sign up for “probably the Army.”

Wohl’s got a longer list of grade A idiot schemes than the United States has victorious wars, with recent examples including his attempt to convince people (very unconvincingly) that he had a report alleging Robert Mueller committed rape, and that time he made a very clearly fake Medium account for a clearly fake person lobbying a clearly fake sexual assault charge against Pete Buttigieg.

And yet, even this one seems slightly ambitious, as it’s hard to imagine that Wohl would even make it through a meeting with an army recruiter without pissing himself, let alone survive armed combat. Still, far be it from us to keep him from his dreams. Army application link here, Jacob!

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