Jared Kushner Reportedly Played Himself

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Senior White House advisor, Trump son-in-law, and ventriloquist dummy Jared Kushner’s quest to become a real human boy ran into a little bit of a speed bump this week, with the first son-in-law reportedly being blamed for fucking up the ongoing search for a new White House Chief of Staff.

According to Vanity Fair’s Gabriel Sherman, Kushner and his wife Ivanka had been the motivating force behind efforts to oust current chief of staff John Kelly, and replace him with Vice President Mike Pence’s top aide, Nick Ayers—someone, they believed, who would act as an ally within the snake pit of the Trump administration’s upper echelons. But after Ayers surprised everyone by peacing the fuck out instead of taking the Javanka-backed promotion, Sherman reports, Jared has become something of a persona non grata for this particular pooch-screwing.


Citing “a prominent Republican close to the White House,” Sherman says Trump ordered the ordinarily (relatively) press-averse Kushner to appear for a full interview on Sean Hannity’s TV show as penance for instigating the Chief of Staff mess. “You’re going to go on there and defend me and take blame for chief of staff as punishment,” Trump reportedly told Kushner.

Kushner did, in fact, make an appearance on Hannity earlier this week, where Fox credited him for his work on bringing peace to the “Midweast.”


To make matters worse for Kushner, Sherman reports that Trump is also considering David Bossie—longtime ally of former White House racist and main Kushner adversary Steve Bannon—to fill the Chief of Staff role, following the Ayers debacle. Because if there’s anything that Jared and Ivanka love, it’s Steve Bannon and people loyal to him.

Poor Jared. Maybe he should do himself—and the rest of us—a favor and just quit politics forever.