Tee-hee, just a meager glass of tap water will do!
Photo: Getty

Attorney General Jeff Sessions, a man who looks like he’s about to turn children into a stew, has instituted many policies targeting immigrants and people of color in his first year in office. He’s revved up the war on drugs. He’s cracked down on legal weed. He’s threatened sanctuary cities and attacked voting rights. He gleefully announced Donald Trump’s decision to end DACA.

But while Sessions might be an integral part of a white supremacist administration, The New York Times helpfully pointed out in a profile on Tuesday night that, hey, at least he’s a thrifty racist:

And unlike several other members of the Trump cabinet, Mr. Sessions has not sullied the administration with headlines over first-class jet travel, exorbitant office furnishings, lobbyist-furnished housing — or all of the above. When he is in Washington, Mr. Sessions has a turkey sandwich from the Justice Department cafeteria (base price: $5.29) for lunch, which he eats at his desk. When his team works late, he hands out granola bars, which his wife buys in bulk at Costco.

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The only thing that Sessions does unscrupulously for personal gain is advance his Anglo-American heritage through policies that work to terrorize people of color. When he’s hard at work, he’ll just eat a turkey sandwich (white bread, please, ha ha), an economical mix of protein and carbs to give him enough energy to go to his desk and do more disenfranchising. And when the team sometimes has to work late to puzzle over the best legal strategy to force local jurisdictions to comply with the systematic deportation of immigrants, just a few discount granola bars will do!