Join Us in Being Traumatized by Brooklyn’s Disgusting New Way of Killing Rats

Screenshot: Kelly Mena (Twitter)

New York, baby! Da Big Apple! The city that never sleeps! Where raindrops sound like jazz, and politicians parade the corpses of vanquished foes in front of constituents like spoils of war. Those foes, in this case, happen to be rats.

There are 90 rats, to be exact. All dead. And all displayed as props on Thursday during a presentation by Brooklyn Borough President Eric Adams on the city’s ongoing effort to reduce the rodent population using “cutting-edge technology” which mercs the furry varmints “in a hygienic, humane, and sustainable way” according to a media advisory for the event.

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“Are you fucking serious?” one onlooker asked, as officials scooped corpse after corpse into a plastic bag to assure the public that, yes, we killed those rats, and killed ‘em but good.

These rats? They’re dead!

As Adams explained during his presentation, the rats were killed in a new, ultra-high-tech cutting edge rodent death box, which lures its prey in and drowns them in an alcohol solution.

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“Rats don’t go to a place where they smell dead rats,” Adams helpfully noted, as he described the traps.

He continued:

Because the rats are in here and [it is] is concealed, they still climb up here because they follow the urine track, they follow where the other rats go, and they think it’s a safe environment.

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Ha ha idiots! Following pee smells to your death? You just got Brooklyn’d, buddy!

Rodent killing has been all the rage in New York ever since part-time mayor Bill de Blasio lead by example in the spring of 2018; de Blasio visited the troops on the front lines of the ongoing rodent wars, where he grinned from ear to ear as an entire burrow was gassed to death before his eyes.

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Rats in New York? Fuggedaboudit, am I right??

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About the author

Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.