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Because corporations aren't people corporations aren't people corporations aren't people corporations aren't people corporations aren't people corporations aren't people corporations aren't people, the Justice Department has unveiled new plans to more aggressively prosecute the people who run giant corporations instead of the corporate non-entities themselves.

A memo issued Wednesday to the department lays out new measures intended to target the people responsible for white-collar crimes like corporate fraud. These measures include a stricter definition of what "cooperating with the government" during an investigation means, and a mandate that prosecutors focus on individuals at the start of a corporate investigation.

"Corporations can only commit crimes through flesh-and-blood people," Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates told The New York Times. "The public needs to have confidence that there is one system of justice and it applies equally regardless of whether that crime occurs on a street corner or in a boardroom."

The Times notes that this memo marks Attorney General Loretta Lynch's first major policy announcement since taking office back in April.

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.