Alex Alvarez/Fusion

I will eat most any food, really, short of a rat or my dog. It could be fennel froth on a deconstructed idea of the concept of a steak, or a lukewarm slab of haggis, or some fried mound of questionable origin from a gas station. I like food, even bad food, and I like trying new things, even if they turn out to be awful, or a rat. So of course I immediately ran (/wobbled) to try 7-Eleven's latest marvel of food science and man's hubris: The Doritos Loaded.

(Loaded with cheese, in case you were wondering.)

("Cheese.")

Four to a pack, they are a triangular snack made up of yellow cheese product in a nacho-flavored Doritos-inspired coating. They do not taste like food, but they will certainly remind you of it.

So here's what placing this into one's face is like. Thank you to the vivacious and effervescent @gettingsome for putting this Storify together:

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

All jokes aside — and, keep in mind, I do and have regularly made a meal of 7-Eleven products — they really aren't very good. But ask me again when I'm drunk and singing Miley Cyrus songs while crying, because I have a feeling my mind may change.