I don’t know if you’re aware, but Louise Linton, the ever-controversial wife of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, is just your average gal next door! Sure, her first real brush with fame may have been the book she wrote about how a “skinny” white woman with “angel hair” (aka...her) saved Africa from savage “rebels” who were almost definitely made up. And yes, her husband is an insanely rich Goldman-trained grifter who ran a “foreclosure machine.” Oh, and she did have that incredible Instagram meltdown after a user called her out for flaunting her very expensive taste in fashion while disembarking from a government jet. But really, Linton is truly one of us. She swears!
Linton recently sat down with Elle for what I’m certain she and her PR folks thought would be an image-rejuvenating chat in which she would make apology noises and we’d all realize that this beautiful woman with the “angel hair” was human after all. But, as often happens when extremely privileged people attempt to wear a “regular” affectation like a Buffalo Bill skinsuit, something is a little bit off. Let’s take a look at all the ways Linton tries—and fails—to be just like you and me.
She loves dogs and would even go so far as to befriend a homeless person to save his dog! (Footage not found of her charity work for homeless people without dogs):
She is obsessed with dogs, especially sick ones. So much so that she once made friends with a homeless man named Richard in a park in Los Angeles because she was concerned about the health of his dog. She wound up paying the vet bill. (Richard, over the phone, tells me that he knows Linton is a good person because his dog loves her. “You can’t fool an animal. Dogs read people,” he says.)
She thinks it’s sad when people bully rich people for having money and treating government planes like private jets:
“I think after being kicked and slapped on social media a billion times, I had this one time. This lady said I was a deplorable human being, and that hurt,” Linton says, her voice trembling in sincere horror and self-pity. Her hands are shaking… “I felt like the kid on the playground that has been so bullied, and finally you punch back.”
She had a humble upbringing:
She was raised in a small castle.
She has best friends who defend her racist books!
Hampel kindly explains away the book’s tone-deafness by saying: “Louise was blessed and fortunate enough to be raised in a Scottish castle, and to not understand the reality of some human beings with a different background.”
Her husband says she reads things and tells jokes sometimes?
[Mnuchin] wrote: “I think social media has made her misunderstood and she is not at all the person that has been portrayed. She has a huge heart, is sensitive, deeply compassionate, and kind. She has humility and gentleness. She’s also funny and makes people laugh.… She loves gadgets and has a bird feeder in the backyard. She reads John Stuart Mill and writes notes in the margins of her books. She’s an incredibly warm and loving person.”
She and her hubby love the silver screen, and an actress from their fave has even won the prestigious Teen Choice Award:
The two classify themselves as movie buffs. (When I ask what their favorite film of the year is, Linton mentions that they recently watched and adored Crazy, Stupid, Love.)
Dogs! Did she mention dogs?
“Their dog, Beersie, needs quite a lot of extra care, and Steven is right on it.”
She loves fashion and other soulless white women!
[President Donald Trump’s] daughter Ivanka is “incredibly bright, brilliant, gifted, thoughtful, kind, generous, and very, very elegant.” She’s recently started wearing Ivanka Trump’s brand of shoes, which you can buy for $69 on Amazon. “They’re incredible,” she says.
She loves gloves, especially when she’s holding sheets of freshly printed cash like the Disney villain she is!!
“I was tagging things [on Instagram] because I thought I had seen other actresses doing that, and I was like, I should do that, too. I should be more fashionable. I need to play that role; I need to be more elegant; I need to be more stylish,” Linton says breathlessly. “I look at amazing fashion icons like Jackie O and I’m like, Why can’t I wear gloves?”
She’s both ethical and good, according to her!
“It’s actually really a fascinating world. The world of political etiquette. For example, gift giving. You’re not allowed to give gifts, and people aren’t allowed to give us gifts. Undue influence. Obviously we both are ethical and good people and we don’t want to mess up.”
Listen, I’m just saying, if she wasn’t so ethical and good and very, extremely, entirely regular, then how would she think of THIS?:
“I’m just a regular girl, and I’m not perfect, but I’m trying my best,” she says. “Maybe I should wear that on a T-shirt and Instagram that. And then on the back it should say…‘I’m so sorry.’”