If you should ever be accused of a crime, don't bother calling a lawyer — simply invoke the holy name of Mariah Carey and all will be well.
On Sunday, police discovered Jason Lowell James dancing and drinking alone in a unoccupied house. The 35-year-old resident of Manatee, Florida (was there ever any doubt in your mind that this man is from Florida?) explained that, no, he hadn't technically broken into the $1.9 million property, because, duh, he shares it with Mariah Carey.
Shockingly, the officers on the scene didn't believe him, and Lowell was arrested. If true, his story would certainly cast a different light on the pop star's divorce from Nick Cannon.
Carey reacted to the news on Twitter.
"Lol…wtf [crying emoji]" is exactly how this makes us feel, too.
Reports haven't specified what "loud music" James was grooving to, but our money's on The Emancipation of Mimi.
Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion's Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.