Photo: Getty

Don’t you hate it when everyone keeps saying you’re dead and you’re just like, not dead? Rude citizens will not stop speculating about why Melania Trump hasn’t been seen in public in 20 days and why she stayed in hospital for five days after a procedure that usually only takes one.

Is she dead? Anyone who thought she might be will probably NOT be convinced by Melania’s latest tweet on Wednesday afternoon, which doesn’t read like a human wrote it, let alone the first lady herself:

Feeling great! A cursed phrase if I ever heard one.

Ok, well, she’s probably not dead. But other “conspiracy theories,” as her spokesperson described them to CNN, have arisen: That she’s finally dumped her shitty husband and escaped to New York; the entire marriage was a paid deal that’s now over; she’s working on Obama’s Netflix special; she’s hopped a freight train and is currently riding the rails in Montana; she’s living off free samples in a Costco.

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