Melania Trump's Life Sounds Even Bleaker Than We Thought

As we have all come to understand by now, there is no possible way in hell Melania Trump is enjoying either her marriage to Donald Trump or the role of First Lady that she has been shoved into. Despite the image her office tries to portray of a woman too “focused on being a mom” to notice that an adult film actress that her husband allegedly cheated on her with has been dominating headlines for months, it’s clear that it’s a thinly veiled excuse for Melania to stay as far away from Donald as possible.

A new Washington Post article explores this while also detailing the many other ways Melania copes with the fallout from her own decision to marry a narcissistic, philandering bigot. The best coping mechanisms? Sleeping in separate bedrooms, erecting a “de facto wall between the East Wing, where her office is, and the West Wing,” spending public money to travel separately, and not uh, hanging out:

According to several current and former aides, the president and first lady often do not eat together in the White House either.

“They spend very little to no time together,” said one longtime friend of the president.

“She seldom sets foot in the West Wing,” said one person with firsthand knowledge.

Melania’s team told the Post she did spend time with Donald, but declined to comment about the whole separate bedroom issue. Sounds very healthy.

Even her doomed cyberbullying campaign is a sign of the misery:

She has been heard saying that she knows her husband has contributed to the combative nature of today’s online chatter, and one associate said she has persisted with her anti-cyberbullying efforts despite White House advice that she pick any other issue to champion.

Despite Melania’s clearly dysfunctional relationship with her husband and his team, she remains far more popular than him, and could become America’s sweetheart, as far as Paolo Zampolli, the man who helped her get started in the American fashion industry, is concerned:

“It’s an incredible story. It’s the American Dream,” said Zampolli. “She really will become the queen of people’s hearts, like Princess Diana was. I think the world will be seeing more of her.”

You heard it here first. Melania Trump, a birther who is married to the man who has thrown our country into chaos, is the new Princess Diana. Everything is fine!