Millennials are gross, angry old man complains

Have you signed up for the “Millennial Pledge” yet? What’s that? You have no idea what the “Millennial Pledge” is and even the very idea of something called the “Millennial Pledge” sounds like the vaguely incoherent ramblings of a veteran newspaper columnist scrabbling around for something to send to the copy desk by deadline, because the desk really needs something now, like NOW, please?

Luckily for you, Los Angeles Times scribe Chris Erskine is here to help. In a move as old as time itself, Erskine has taken it upon himself to wonder what these crazy kids are doing with their craziness and their kid-ness.

To wit:

“The Millennial Pledge”:

• I am entitled to nothing.

• I will show up on time.

• I will not shun comedians or college commencement speakers just because I don’t agree with them.

• Just once, I will try driving without texting.

• Just once, I will try eating without texting.

• I will not consider the cilantro on my taco to be a vegetable.

And it goes on. All those kooky millennials may have thought they were just sort of living their lives and trying to make it in an economy seemingly systematically designed to keep them in debt-drenched penury for the majority of their waking lives, but Chris Erskine is here to tell them that they are actually a bunch of bratty twerps who don’t like vegetables. (?)