Morning Feed, 11/01: Vampire Ladies, Cyborg Bandits, and Amateur Bear-Wrestlers

What are we reading this morning? Take a look for yourself. Here’s a link dump to go with that cup o’joe.

• An 80-year-old man fights off a bear, then proceeds to fall off a cliff, but he survives because Russia.
• A woman has been arrested for trying to bring cocaine on a plane by hiding it inside pumpkins. Tricky treat!
• 14 words that didn’t exist 20 years ago.
• Axe Body Spray: it’s not just tacky, it’s literally noxious.
• Toronto police say they have the alleged footage of Mayor Rob Ford doing crack but won’t charge him with a crime. What’s the point, then?
• Should the state fund an inmate’s sex-change operation?
• Man arrested due to an overdue library book, because Texas.
• Let your freak flag fly! Mexican lawyer undergoes extreme body modification to become “Vampire Lady.”
• Seattle police are after a man they call the “Cyborg Bandit.” Easily the best criminal nickname ever.
• A teacher arrested for being high on heroin while at work says “Roll Tide!” after questioned by reporters. Yep, that sums up Alabama quite well.
• Why do drug traffickers love Greyhound buses?
• A truck driver accidentally slammed into emergency vehicles on an Arizona highway because he was too distracted looking at photos of naked women on his phone. Dude, just get the mud flaps.

Adam Weinstein was Fusion’s senior editor in charge of digital investigations. He has also worked for Gawker, Mother Jones, and the Wall Street Journal.