My Name Is Melania and I'm Here to Say…Be Best?

Today, First Lady Melania Trump held a press conference in the White House Rose Garden to announce her new initiative, which is bafflingly named “Be Best.” Yes, that’s what it’s called! Be Best. Not a drill! Be. Best. BeBest.

Here’s a brief but very exhaustive explainer video that Trump posted:

For those wondering, Trump came up with the grammatically…off name herself and even “designed” (wrote) that logo, according to the New York Times. The initiative’s awkward name shouldn’t be totally blamed on Trump—she’s not a native English speaker. But plenty of blame rests on the entire TEAM that signed off on Be Best. I MEAN COME ON! BE BEST?!

This afternoon, Trump laid out the plan for Be Best in further detail. (She was dressed in a camel trench coat, presumably to commemorate the children who lost their innocence when they stacked themselves on top of each other in similar coats while pretending to be adults.) According to the brand new Be Best website:

The mission of BE BEST is to focus on some of the major issues facing children today, with the goal of encouraging children to BE BEST in their individual paths, while also teaching them the importance of social, emotional, and physical health. BE BEST will concentrate on three main pillars: well-being, social media use, and opioid abuse.

Wow! A real range of issues here!! Women really can have it all! The last part almost sounds like Trump wants children to be best at opioid abuse, but I’m about 70% sure that is not the case.

It might seem like this whole thing was put together about 30 minutes before the press conference went live, but it appears that there was some amount of actual planning because there were official BE BEST-branded cookies, which probably took at least two hours to make.

After Trump spoke, she invited her husband, a man she has definitely met named Donald, to sign a proclamation making May 7 “Be Best Day.” Somehow the White House continues to find new and innovative ways to embarrass us all to death and beyond in this truly harrowing reincarnation cycle we call 2018. Happy Be Best Day everyone!