Oh, Look! More Anonymous Democrats Bravely Threaten to Primary AOC

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No one is listening to me. No one is heeding my pleas about the endless stream of tiresome articles about incumbent Democrats complaining about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I am BORED of this, yet the Hill keeps pouring these stories into my sleepy brain.


Today’s installment is at least kind of funny: A couple of anonymous Democrats told the Hill that they want to primary Ocasio-Cortez. One anonymous Democratic lawmaker said they want to “make her a one-term congressperson,” whereas an anonymous “New York political insider” said she is “pissing off a lot of people and has probably made a lot of enemies. (Tellingly, those two anonymous sources are also the only people quoted actually floating the primary challenge idea.)

That’s the closest the article gets to actually outlining a rationale for unseating one of the most popular rising stars of the Democratic Party in years, who has been in Congress for less than a month and already has 74 percent of Democrats interested in supporting her for president, even though she’s six years too young to run. Presumably, the reporter felt it was so obvious why they would want to do this—she is popular and she is far to the left of whoever these anonymous turds are—that they didn’t even need to ask the unnamed sources.

Most amusing of all is the suggestion from the anonymous New York insider that Joe Crowley’s cousin Elizabeth might be the person to avenge his political death at the hands of Ocasio-Cortez:

“She’s pissing off a lot of people and has probably made a lot of enemies. … A lot of people who are furious with her are Joe’s allies, including some named Crowley,” said the insider, referring to Crowley’s cousin, Elizabeth Crowley, a former New York City councilwoman. “She is a woman. She’s been moving more to the left. She would be someone interesting.”

What, you people want a woman or some shit? There’s a Crowley woman right here! Why are you yelling at me?

The article also quotes the spokesman for Justice Democrats, one of the groups that has pushed for more primary challenges against entrenched Democrats, laying the smackdown on Rep. Anonymous Q. Slimebag:

“Considering she’s more popular and well-known than some of the Democratic presidential contenders, I think whoever challenges her will lose by huge margins,” [spokesman Waleed] Shahid said. “It’s a quick way for some D.C. and Wall Street consultants to make some easy money.”


Justice Democrats’ aim is to “elect a new type of Democratic majority in Congress, one which will create a thriving economy and democracy that works for the people, not big money interests,” according to their website. Heavens! How dare they. Must recruit Another Crowley to try and unseat anyone who challenges this.

On Twitter, the congresswoman pointed out how broken this logic is:


She’s correct: This shit is stupid. Please stop reporting it; it’s not news. Thank you.

Splinter politics writer. libby.watson@splinternews.com