Earlier this month, President Obama released his 2016 Summer Playlist, consisting of the songs he’s been jamming out to—another way to connect with younger, hipper voters, no doubt. But unlike Obama's other attempts to make nice with millennials, like appearing on Between Two Ferns and acting out a Buzzfeed listicle, the playlists gave us a much better insight into the man and his artistic sensibilities. Well, it turns out he’s not the only world leader that listens to music.
A year ago yesterday, footage surfaced of Russian president Vladimir Putin working out with Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, so today, we present to you, Vladimir Putin’s summer workout playlist, a totally real, definitely not made-up mix of jams ready-made to PUMP *clap* YOU UP!
I don’t care if you work out at home, at a Planet Fitness, at Equinox, or at a Dave & Busters, the most important part of a workout is the walk-in. It doesn’t really matter where Putin started from, but do you see those pecs? He’s here.
Gotta get the ball rolling with some cardio, and what better way to get the heart pumping than to get some treadmill time with a short angry white dude? I’m talking bout Eminem, obvi! But who knows? Maybe Putin’s mom’s spaghetti isn’t bad.
After the treadmill, it’s time to stretch a little, shake things out a little, and of course, rear your head.
Work those buns with Meghan Trainor’s fake Russian (or at least generally Eastern European) accent!
If Putin is known for one thing, it's his many, many outrageous publicity stunts, meant to (I guess?) reassure the Russian people that their leader is indeed a robust, rugged, manly man. A man who rides horses and goes fishing in combat boots and no shirt. Nothing captures the sexiness that Putin exudes like Def Leppard’s 1987 classic stripper rock hit “Pour Some Sugar On Me.”
Part of Putin’s macho PR campaign included test-driving a Formula One race car, getting up to 150 miles per hour. Obviously Rihanna would best soundtrack to his need for speed.
Over the last few years, Putin has played in a handful of exhibition hockey games with other Russian leaders and retired NHL stars. While he’s decidedly not good at the sport, that apparently didn’t stop him from scoring eight goals during one of those matches.
One of Putin’s favorite sports is judo, a martial art form in which he is very accomplished. Not only has he written several books on judo, but in 2010, he received an honorary doctorate in judo from a South Korean university.
Because every workout playlist needs a Kanye song.
Every workout playlist also needs a Broadway musical number. Open up and embrace yourself while doing chest flies!
“Turn down for what?” you ask. “Turn down for animal conservation,” Putin says. The politician has shot various animals like tigers and bears with tranquilizers and has even harpooned a whale (non-lethally) all for the express purpose of animal research and good photo opportunities.
Probably Putin’s biggest and snakiest exercise (of power) to date. And with this Nicki Minaj booty-popping number, you can pull off some big exercises of your own!
This workout classic can also refer to a torture method used by Russia’s abusive police to silence dissidents and detainees widely known as a “Phone Call To Putin,” in which the cops apply electric shocks to their victims earlobes.
This fun Disclosure joint is the perfect soundtrack to getting involved in the Syrian conflict and killing more civilians than Assad or ISIS in January.
Remember when Trump restructured the Republican platform to be less aggressive towards Russia? And remember that one time when Paul Manafort, who has ties to Russian-backed Ukrainian political figures and was named in the Panama Papers, was Donald Trump’s campaign manager? Lol.
The music may make Missy Elliot lose control, but apparently, it’s going to take a little more than that for the people of Russia who took part in the Snow Revolution of 2011-2013 to make Putin lose control.
This Russian club banger about women who just want a man like Putin topped the Russian charts back in 2002. It's the perfect song to cool down to and recover from this intense Putin workout. Honestly, though, I’m pretty certain that the real Putin just listens to this song on repeat for the entirety of his workout.