Paul Ryan's Hype Video for the Border Wall Is a Sign of the Apocalypse

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, who undoubtedly has “With Arms Wide Open” on his workout playlist, shared what is in essence a hype video for building the border wall between the U.S. and Mexico on his Twitter feed this morning.

“RT if you agree —> It is time for The Wall,” Ryan wrote, capping “The Wall” like it’s a fucking Matt Damon movie instead of Donald Trump’s wasteful, divisive, unnecessary and, as of yet, unfunded (the House recently threw some money at the wall but it hasn’t passed the Senate yet) pet project.

Look, there are things that make your skin crawl, like Paul Ryan’s face. There are things that just make no sense, like how Paul Ryan’s stupid face somehow doesn’t have lips. There are things that make your ears bleed, like the stupid sounds that emit from Paul Ryan’s lipless mouth on more occasions than any decent human being should be subjected to.

Then, there’s this video, in which you have to contend with all of these things to a thumping soundtrack reminiscent of Jock Jams except it’s nowhere near that good.

“It’s time for-for-for THE WALL” the video begins with various fonts.

Then Ryan talks about how he went to the border over images of himself doing some Top Gun cosplay as he poses in a dumbass plane wearing dumbass sunglasses giving a dumbass thumbs ups in a dumbass medium polo shirt.

“When you see what they’re up against, it really gives you even greater respect for what they do,” he continues. What they’re “up against,” as depicted in the video, is getting into sweet little boats and riding helicopters, not, you know, turning away asylum-eligible refugees.

“They clearly need more tools and more support to do their jobs effectively,” Ryan says, as your ears start to gently bleed. Then there’s a shot of the Speaker riding a horse because everybody knows white men riding horses are heroic and important and get things done.

“That’s why we’re going to get this done this week,” says the man who is part of a party that failed to repeal the Affordable Care Act multiple times despite having a Republican president, a Republican House, and a Republican Senate.

What “it” is, no one really explains, but the video ends with a rallying cry of “LET’S GET IT DONE LET’S GET IT DONE LET’S GET IT DONE,” and that’s fine because done is exactly what I am with this shit.