It has been a very busy week for Eric Tunchez.
A city council candidate in Corpus Christi, Texas, Tunchez is running for one of five district seats. Specifically, he is running to replace District 3 Councilwoman Lucy Rubio, who recently stepped down to prepare for her new role as the Nueces County Justice of the Peace. Rubio did not endorse Tunchez, but instead backed his opponent, Eric Cantu.
Upon the announcement of her resignation, Rubio’s fellow city councilors decided to throw her a little going-away party earlier this week. It wasn’t anything fancy or overwrought, but there was a white (presumably vanilla) sheet-cake sporting Rubio’s name and a nice message. Or at least there was, before a mysterious cake thief swept through in the mid-afternoon and not only had the gall to take a corner piece, but smear Rubio’s name as well.
Re-enter Tunchez and welcome the beauty of local journalism, via Corpus Christi Caller-Times.
With everyone around city hall scrambling to figure who the culprit was, the intrepid reporters at the Caller-Times turned to the city’s public records office. There, they turned up video surveillance footage of Tunchez both cutting said corner slice and using the knife to smudge the part of the icing that read, “We Love Lucy.”
When contacted by the Caller-Times, Tunchez tried to say that he was getting the cake for a diabetic friend, before doubling down on his cake cutting and claiming he is “not an expert at cutting cake.”
“I did not stick my finger in the cake. I simply cut me a slice of cake because the mayor invited everyone to have some,” said Eric Lee Tunchez, a District 3 council candidate, via a Facebook message to the Caller-Times.
“I do not regret slicing a piece of cake for myself because it was very delicious!” Tunchez wrote. “If Lucy Rubio finds it offensive that I was first to get a slice, I will be more than happy to buy her a new cake that says ‘Best Wishes from Eric Lee Tunchez.’”
Tunchez said he did not “stick his finger” in the cake, but only cut a slice. He said he is “not an expert at cutting cake.”
So, this should be where the story ends—the cake was taken and the name was smeared, there was some solid reporting, and Tunchez ultimately got caught being a messy dipshit who lives for drama. But unfortunately for the city council hopeful, it does not end there.
On Thursday, just one day after Tunchez was popped for the cake-related malfeasance, he was indicted on a felony charge of aggravated promotion of prostitution. The district attorney’s office told ABC’s South Texas affiliate that “they could not release details of Tunchez’s alleged charges or how he was involved in prostitution.”
In a Facebook post quoted by the Caller-Times, and in a later message to a Caller-Times reporter, Tunchez denied the any wrongdoing and posited that the indictment was part of a larger scheme by the “political elite” to stifle his campaign.
“The collusion and corruption to stop me from running for a city council race is absolutely outrageous and now we see how low my opponents and enemies will go to smear my name and reputation,” Tunchez wrote. “To criminalize me for a piece of cake is a prime example to show how I have come close to their power. The BIG CORRUPTION continues!!!”
Because Tunchez hasn’t been found guilty of a felony as of yet, he’s still eligible to be on the ballot and occupy the seat. One thing he is guilty of, however, is smearing the absolute hell out of that cake.